My Local Spaghetti Guy Says Al Gore Is a Retard

It was about 4 degrees Fahrenheit the other night when we made a trip to our local spaghetti hangout. I think some people call it an Italian restaurant. It's the place we always go to get the noodles and red sauce, so the manager -- who I'll refer to as Jimbo in this article -- knows us.

On a typical night, Jimbo usually brings us our usual dishes and talks to us about the usual small-talk kind of stuff that restaurant managers are good at talking about: how big our son is getting, how business is going or how the weather is.

But on this night, Jimbo the spaghetti man was feeling rather saucy, so he took that weather conversation to another level. (Its gettin hot in herre!) Jimbo decided to trade in the usual dish for that night's special -- a plate of Gore-hating, polar-bear-killing, global-warming-is-nonsense stew.

That's right. Jimbo pretty much told us that the frigid temperatures were proof that Al Gore is a retard. He said that we underestimate Mother Nature and it's silly to think that our lil' ol' power plants or supersized Hummers or cans of Aqua Net hairspray could do any damage to such a powerful force as her. And he added that if the polar bears were in so much danger, than why do the ones at the zoo seem to live happy, long lives, no matter what the temperature is outside. As I finished sucking up a fork full of noodles, I thought to myself, "Why is Jimbo still talking?" and "What is he trying to say?" and "Who is going to shut him up so I can finish my spaghetti?"

But I was wondering today if Jimbo might have had a point. I mean, if the planet was really warming, than why is it cold as a frozen hell and snowing out again? Maybe Jimbo should take a slide projector on the road and present his own non-theory on global warming to the world. He might sound a little wacky to people at first, but once he feeds them a plate of that delicious spaghetti, they'll warm up to his ideas real quick... Do polar bears eat spaghetti? If not, then that's probably why they're dying.