It's Always Shitty In St. Louis

Actually, that headline is misleading. It's not really that shitty here. I'm just bitter about everyone ripping on Detroit, so I thought I'd take it out on St. Louis. Hope I didn't offend too many of my readers in Missouri. I think they account for about 1 percent of the readership of Burkett Humor, which is just one person -- a guy named Henry. Sorry Henry... if you're available for a drink this weekend, I'm staying at the Courtyard Marriott. Call me. My treat.

Anyway, this is my first time visiting St. Louis and if you've never been here before SPOILER ALERT!!!! they have an arch. It is kind of spectacular when you get up close to it and also very inspirational. Just standing next to it for a couple of minutes I came up with what I think are three very hilarious arch jokes. You see, I'm thinking about touring Missouri comedy clubs to do a standup act that's all about the arch. All arch jokes, all the time. I'll even include it in my stage name, something like "Archie Arch the Arch Humorist" or "Archie the jokester" or "A guy named Adam who appreciates the arch so much so that he's devoted a whole act to it."

Here's some of the material I've been working on:

"So if I were to get in a fight with the Gateway Arch, would that make it my arch-nemesis?"

"I was down by the Gateway Arch today, and I just couldn't hold it any longer, so I urinated on the base of it. I think it's what they call a golden arch. Anyone hungry for some McDonald's?"

"If there were a war being fought along the riverfront in St. Louis, would those little shelters soldiers build to protect themselves be referred to as 'arch-ie bunkers?'

If you have any arch jokes you've been dying to tell, please share them in the comments area below. I'm really working on collecting as much material as possible for my Missouri road show. I think it's going to be huge. Can't wait!