Early Polls Predict Gravel In South Carolina

Early polls are pointing to a Mike Gravel victory in South Carolina's Democratic primary. Here are the numbers that we're getting here at the Burkett Humor blog:

• Gravel 88 percent
• Clinton 25 percent
• Obama 25 percent
• Edwards 25 percent
• Kucinich 25 percent

That adds up to 188 percent, but with a margin of error of 143 percent... subtract... take away... yeah. He's pretty much a lock.

Think that sounds crazy? It's no more crazy than the numbers that come out of these ridiculous pre-polls and exit polls they do every election season. Not only do these polls prove time and time again to be inaccurate, but they also attract large numbers of anti-poll voters known as "Poll Busters" to the booths. Poll Busters, who can typically be identified by leather masks, chains and tattoos that say things, like, "fuck polls," have the sole mission of taking down candidates that are leading in the polls. These individuals are also known to harass voters and persuade them to vote for and wear stickers supporting weaker polling candidates.

Republicans and Democrats need to work together to put an end to these polls, and stop the Poll Busters before somebody gets hurt.