How Al Gore Ruined Christmas

Our Christmas tree is looking pretty dark and bare and pathetic this year, thanks to Al Gore.

We decided to go all environmental this holiday season, so we didn't put any lights on the tree, to conserve energy, which I think -- if I'm remembering the lessons from Al's movie correctly -- will save at least one polar bear from drowning.

We also won't be buying any wrapping paper this Christmas. So if you're getting a present from me, it will likely be wrapped in the Lifestyle section of the newspaper (it's the most colorful) or placed in a brown paper grocery bag or I'll just make you close your eyes and yell "Lookie! Lookie!" when I'm ready for you to see your gift.

It all sounds kind of lame, right? ... I'm glad Al is saving the Earth, and is guilting us into doing the same, but I'm going to miss the wasteful holidays we had as a kid: letting the 12 mpg Oldsmobile station wagon warm up for 30 minutes before loading the gifts and the kielbasa to head to grandma's house; or spitting our gum and cigarettes out the car windows so we could clear our mouths to sing "Joy to the World" and other holiday tunes; or beating polar bears to death with giant candy canes... We just didn't know any better back then, but now we do. Thanks a lot Al.